You have many options available to you. Don’t make a hasty decision. Stop. Take your time and educate yourself on all of your options. Abortion may seem like the best fit for your current circumstances, but learning about other options you have is empowering. Some women who initially consider abortion are ultimately delighted to be parenting a child. Others who are not comfortable choosing abortion but are not ready to raise a child, make an adoption plan
If you are considering abortion, you need to have your pregnancy confirmed. An Ultrasound can tell if the baby has a heartbeat and how far along you are.
Every medical procedure, including abortion, carries the risk of complications. You have the legal right to give fully informed consent. You also have the right to:
Get an explanation of the abortion procedures available
Assess the risks and side effects, and
Learn about other options for your pregnancy.
Abortion is your choice – you can change your mind at any time before the procedure starts. Women have gotten off the exam table and left. Some have changed their minds after taking the first set of pills for a medical abortion. This is a decision that you will live with the rest of your life. Don’t allow anyone to pressure you.
THINGS TO ASK THE ABORTION PROVIDER:
Ask if the abortion doctor has admitting privileges to a hospital nearby should you have an emergency. Make sure the clinic has a plan to provide any follow-up or emergency care, should complications arise during or after the procedure.
Ask for the name of the doctor in charge and if the doctor is licensed and board-certified.
Ask, “Will I feel pain”?
Ask what feelings can you expect after the abortion. Many women experience initial relief, but months and even years later, some struggle with their decision. If this is you, please schedule an appointment to speak with one of our SaveOne Advocates
If you are pregnant and considering parenting, it’s likely that you’ve never been faced with a decision like this before. First, know that you are not alone. Many women have been in your position before, and many will be in the future. Second, know that — while no one can make this decision for you — there are many resources dedicated to helping you along this journey.
Parenting is not for everyone. If you’re unsure whether you should pursue adoption instead of keeping the baby, or vice versa, below are four questions you can ask yourself to help you determine whether to choose to parent your child or place the child up for adoption.
STEP 1: CONSIDER YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION.
Financial instability is often one of the main reasons women facing an unplanned pregnancy are unsure if they are ready to parent. It’s understandable; kids aren’t cheap. The latest report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture states the average cost for a single mother to raise a child to age 17 is $233,610. This is a large sum of money to anyone, particularly someone who hasn’t been financially preparing for it.
This does not, however, automatically mean that you should not parent your baby. Fortunately, there are many financial resources for you to use, as Woman, Infants, and Children (WIC) and Medicaid can help relieve some of the financial strain for food and healthcare. Also remember, your financial situation may be temporary and can change quickly — so financial concerns should not be the sole determining factor in your choice of adoption instead of keeping the baby.
Here at Heartbeats, you can earn many of the items you need for your child with our Earn While You Learn program. Diapers, Wipes, Clothing, Food and Furnishings are available. You just attend education classes and earn points to spend in our beautiful on-site boutique. Most of the items available are new or like-new. So, when it comes to cost, financial support is readily available if you are willing to participate.
STEP 2: CONSIDER YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM.
One reason many women consider adoption over parenting is to provide their child with a stable, two-parent home environment. The benefits of being raised in a two-parent home are obvious. Not only is having a father important to a child’s emotional development, but it also provides a secondary income and a partner in raising a child.
Being a single mother can be challenging, however, with enough love and effort, it can be done, and is currently being done by countless single mothers across the country. Not having your child’s father around does not have to be the main factor when questioning how to decide whether to keep a baby.
Also, even if your child’s biological father is out of the picture, it doesn’t mean your child will never have a father figure in his or her life. You can surround your child with positive male role models, and could someday find yourself with a new partner who would love nothing more than to become a father to your child. These things should be considered when determining whether parenting is right for you.
STEP 3: CONSIDER THE TIME COMMITMENT.
When you have a lot of other things currently happening in your life, like finishing high school or college, or beginning or continuing your career, it’s common to wonder: “Should I keep my baby on top of my responsibilities at school or work? Do I really have time for a child right now?” Adding a baby into your busy life would undoubtedly take precedent over those goals.
At the end of the day, you will need to determine whether you can balance life as a new mother with these other responsibilities and interests. Ask yourself:
Will I have time and energy to be the attachment figure my baby needs during the most influential time in his or her life?
Will my child be my top priority?
Should I keep my baby, even if it means putting my own plans on hold?
STEP 4: CONSIDER YOUR OWN READINESS.
When you’re faced with an unplanned pregnancy, it is the most important question of all: “Am I ready to be a parent?”
As previously stated, if you have aspirations to attend college, pursue a career or simply just want to maintain your current lifestyle, you may find that you aren’t ready to raise a child, and that’s okay. If you decide that adoption is what’s best for you and your baby, there is another family out there who is ready to adopt and give a child the greatest life imaginable.
However, if you are ready and committed to motherhood, you can overcome any of these challenges, whether it is financial instability, no father figure in your child's life or any other obstacle in your way. If you feel that you are ready and committed to motherhood, that may be the only answer you need.
Remember, this is your baby and your decision. If you are asking, “Should I keep or adopt my baby to another family?” know that you are ultimately the only person who can answer that question. No one can tell you what is best for you and your child, nor should anyone ever try to convince you to choose adoption instead of keeping the baby or vice versa. Whatever you decide, there are resources and support available to you!
Once you have answered these four questions, if you choose to parent your child consider enrolling in our Soar Academy. We offer fun, easy classes featuring lessons on pregnancy and parenting... and you can earn points to purchase things for your baby like diapers, clothes, and more in our Boutique!
10 QUESTIONS EXPECTANT MOTHERS ASK ABOUT ADOPTION
1) How can adoption be good for my baby and me?
If you are not ready to be a parent, you can still give your baby the gift of life by choosing adoption. You can plan for your baby’s future by selecting a stable, loving family to care for your baby. After birth, you can see your baby, name your baby, and spend time with your baby. If you so choose, you may be able to get updates on your child’s progress or have ongoing visits throughout your child’s life while you continue your education or career goals. Finally, you can be proud that you chose life for your baby.
2) Can I choose a family for my baby?
Yes! Most agencies have many different families you can choose from. These families have been screened and approved. There are additional options such as choosing a friend or someone who has been recommended to you. Your agency will discuss these options with you.
3) How much contact can I have with my baby after birth and after adoption?
You may have as much contact with your baby at the hospital as you desire. When planning your child’s adoption, you can choose an open-adoption plan that allows ongoing visits with your child, or you can choose less open adoption that keeps you informed about your child’s progress through letters and photos. Adoptive families respect your need to know that your child is loved and happy. If you prefer not to have any contact with your child or the adoptive family, confidential-adoption plans are also possible.
4) How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
The timing of your child’s placement depends on three factors:
Your preference for the time of placement
Legal aspects of adoption, which may vary from state to state
The cooperation of the birthfather
Many birthmothers want their baby placed with the adoptive family directly from the hospital. Some women prefer to place their baby in temporary care while they consider their adoption decision. Your agency can help with either option.
5) How much will my child know about me?
That depends on what type of adoption you choose – open, semi-open, or confidential. Also, your agency will encourage you to provide your complete medical and social history to your child, no matter what type of adoption plan you make, and in some states that information is required. You may choose to share your identity and where you live with the adoptive family. If you’ve made an open adoption plan, you may have ongoing, direct contact with your child and the adoptive family. The information your child will know about the birthfather depends on his relationship with you and your counselor. Most birthfathers give their complete medical and social history, recognizing how important it is for the child. In some cases, the only information available about the birthfather is what the birthmother provides.
6) Does the birthfather have any rights?
Both you and the birthfather have rights. If you disagree about adoption or you no longer have a relationship with him, your agency will work with the birthfather and/or the courts to determine if his rights can be terminated.
7) Can my child find me if he/she wants to search someday?
The laws in your state determine when and how your child may have access to information in the adoption file. Your caseworker will explain the current laws as they apply to your adoption plan.
8) How can I be sure my child will be well cared for?
Adoptive families approved by your agency must meet standards that are shared with you. Your agency will make every attempt to complete a thorough assessment of potential adoptive families. Prior to finalizing the adoption, a caseworker will make home visits to ensure the child’s well-being. In an open adoption, you will see for yourself how well your child is cared for and how much your child is loved.
9) Do I need an attorney or do I pay my agency to assist me with the adoption?
In most states, you do not need an attorney and there are no costs to you. The adoption agency will handle all of the legal details for you and the birthfather.
10) Does the agency offer assistance with medical and living expenses while I am making an adoption plan?
Assistance with medical and living expenses is available through many agencies. For details about how your agency can help you in your particular circumstances, contact a caseworker.
*Bethany Christian Services. 10 Questions Expectant Mothers Ask About Adoption, MD.118.BRO.2968 8.06
HOW CAN ADOPTION BE GOOD FOR MY BABY AND ME?
If you are not ready to be a parent, you can still give your baby the gift of life by choosing adoption. You can plan for your baby’s future by selecting a stable, loving family to care for your baby.
After birth, you can see your baby, name your baby, and spend time with your baby. If you so choose, you may be able to get updates on your child’s progress or have ongoing visits throughout your child’s life while you continue your education or career goals.
Finally, you can be proud that you chose life for your baby.
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